they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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