You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
