plz talk dirty to me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
