Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I lost the right to judge tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
