You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
