weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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