and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
