Duck Duck Cougar?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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