I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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