It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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