That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So drunk its hurt
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
