I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
