Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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