In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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