thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
