I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
