Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
