sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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