somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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