Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
