Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
