Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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