apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
