What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
