I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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