Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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