Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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