you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well you can't waste a boner
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
