This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
