Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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