Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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