just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize