You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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