I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
