pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
