kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She bit a glass in half.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
