she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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