You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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