she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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