Tell her she can't have a vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
