I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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