U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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