just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the day after is always just damage control
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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