clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
