Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
