brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
