I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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