forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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