My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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