I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
