The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
