mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
