I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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