dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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